Being Responsible

The word "responsible" as commonly used in our society, often implies either quilt or a burdensome sense of duty. As examples ~ " I am responsible for this mess" or "You are responsible for this mess" ; another implying guilt ~ " I am responsible to look after my little brother!" But, there is another way to view this word "responsible" ~ "response-able". This will imply that we are able to respond! Consciously or unconsciously, we choose to respond to any given situation in any particular way considered for selection from a wide range of possible responses. When we respond in the automatic mode, we have not considered alternative possibilities, and in whatever way we respond it ties us in to the situation. Having an awareness of our response enables us to make a better choice that would be more appropriate to the situation ~ and perhaps even less harmful! It is then for us to be more self responsible to choose how we respond and acknowledging that it (the choice) is ours to own. It is perhaps inherent in us as humans to avoid responsibility, but if we wish to change, it is necessary for us to become aware of the degree to which we accept what we do, say, and how! We need to learn to become curious of the way that we do respond for from this curiosity there will emerge a consciousness. From this state of consciousness we can make better choices as to how we will respond that will be more appropriate. We do 'trigger' response in each other, but the ultimate responsibility lies with the individual responding. My feelings, thoughts and actions are mine to own and I am responsible for all of them, just as the others are responsible for theirs.
         

Changing our view point on the word "responsibility" can open the pathway for our progression in self growth. Whereas, not accepting to change this view point to being more response-able can create a block.

B L A M I N G

The assumption behind blaming is ~ "if only you were different, I wouldn't be feeling this way!" Taking responsibility for your own feelings is knowing that you still would be feeling that way. The seeds of it are in you - even though without the 'trigger' of the other those feelings might remain buried in your unconscious. If your intent is to grow - to know yourself and to work through old issues buried in you - then you can thank the other for bringing this to the surface for you instead of blaming them for making you feel uncomfortable.  And then you can turn the attention back to yourself and to feeling the anger, pain etc., instead on focusing on trying to get them to be different.
      

Taking responsibility for your own feelings, although they may be unconscious, means recognizing that you hold the major power in determining how you react to any given situation. (Other people might react differently to the same situation.) Your feelings are the result of what you bring to the situation. The other person does not "make you angry, afraid etc." Instead you take what they say or do, and out of the meaning you give it, based on your conscious or unconscious assumptions and past history, you react with a certain feeling.